We continue our month long series highlighting the grief and healing journeys of women in the GGH community. This weeks piece is written by Victoria
"I used to hate crying or judge myself for getting angry. Now I can allow myself those moments to just feel without being so consumed by them."
I am a wife, mother, daughter, writer, and quantum facilitator.
Who have you lost/ what life altering event have you experienced?
My grandma in 2006 and most recently my dad in 2019. My dad’s death rocked my world in a way that I can’t fully put into words.
How long has it been since?
13months since my dad died and almost 15yrs since my grandma.
Did you experience any significant life changes or impacts following?
My dad’s death completely blindsided me. It was so sudden and I never saw it coming. It woke me up in a massive way. A catalyst for my spiritual awakening and new life path that I am currently on.
Can you talk a bit about the day of/days leading up to your loss/these life changing events?
My dad died suddenly while on vacation, in a tiny gold rush town in BC. I didn’t believe my mum when she called to tell me. It felt like I was in this strange out of body experience for the first week. Drifting between forgetting and remembering that he was gone. The first few days were busy, we had to drive up 6hrs to pick up my mum. There were many tears and some jokes shed along the drive home. Mostly we were all emotionally exhausted. In a complete daze.
How did you cope in the month that followed?
The months that followed were tough. It was summer vacation and I had grand plans to really step up my business at the time. Everything fell apart. I am not sure that I dealt with it in a the healthiest way. While I let myself feel the emotions, it was still hard to express what I was feeling. I was so angry and took it out on those closest to me. Death was really isolating for me. I found that it really impacted some friendships as they didn’t know how to show up for me. Even now I find that talking about my dad is a way to shut down conversation.
Spotlight on your loved one
My dad was really the best which given his childhood says a lot. He had little to no role models growing up so it was pretty amazing to see the life he created. Steve provided a lot of laughs and was an epic story teller. He worked in corrections so most of my stories as a kid were about bad guys and prison experiences. He would always jump in with some of the most random sayings or stories usually completely out of the blue.
Some of the more notable quotes
“Look on the brightside” in reference to nothing-he would NEVER follow it up with the bright side.
“So I vacuumed out the dryer.” Said after we stopped talking about some kind of serious topic.
“My mouth tastes like the bottom of a birdcage.” Not sure what this was about but it was said every Christmas morning on video.
How do you cope now when you miss them or when you think back to that time in your life.
I find now it’s much easier to look back and laugh at the stories. It doesn’t feel as much of punch in the gut anymore. I’m so grateful my dad got to walk me down the aisle, be a grandpa for almost 13yrs. I wholly feel that he is around and checks in on us every so often.
How does this loss impact you today?
It really shifted my focus career wise. Since his death I quit my job working in the school system. I’ve focused on growing my own healing business and writing a book. When my dad died I realized how much I was living in fear. Mostly the idea that I would be judged for living life on my own terms. In the beginning loss was really tough on my relationships-I was so angry and broken. Slowly I began to collect those pieces and I found it really deepened my relationships. It did change some friendships but that’s okay.
What were some of the most pivotal healing moments in your journey?
Allowing myself to feel the emotions. I used to hate crying or judge myself for getting angry. Now I can allow myself those moments to just feel without being so consumed by them. It lead me to my passion of inner child healing and quantum healing. Through the grief process I realized how important writing was to me. Journaling and writing a book has been so profoundly important to my grief journey.
What do you wish you would’ve known then that you know now? What would you tell yourself then if you could go back to those most painful moments after your loss? ....
That you aren’t immune to loss. My dad’s sudden death completely blindsided me. I honestly never thought it was possible. Having family around and people to support and hold space for you was the best thing ever. One friend would share silly stories, some of my dad but mostly just random experiences that she had in her life. It was a nice distraction from the pain. Allowing yourself to cry and feel what ever emotions are coming up. It’s all okay and it’s going hurt. There’s nothing anyone can say that will take away the pain.
Girls gotta heal because …healing ourselves inspires other to do the same.
To follow Victoria's journey and inquire about the quantum healing work she is doing you can follow her @Victoria_intuitivewellness on Instagram.